the freaking statement

I wanted to save this topic till I finish writing the statement, but I got to let it out now. I'm totally freaked out.
I was wrong at the first place. It's not called "personal statement". The undergraduate writing tutor had no damn idea what a statement should be like to apply Ph.D. program. It got to be boring. I liked his suggestion about being "personal," but i shouldn't have trusted it. Then it became much easier for me to write. I just stick to "personal" and showed everything about this person, me. All the tutors complimented on it, but I felt something wrong. XP's comment was honest and professional. I force myself to get on internet and search for some samples. "statement of purpose"! I know! They were all boring but effective. I feel I'm such an idiot. I don't know what i'm doing. Damn it! Maybe it's a sign I should not do a Ph.D.
fuck. it's three days away from going home. i'm not taking this shit with me. i'm going back home and that's it. i don't give a damn they like it or not. if my personal statement is not what they like, then i'm not the person they want. tonight i'll try for the last time to state my purpose clearer. but i still don't feel right.